So Many What Ifs

I know that we haven't even started the stims yet, but I'm always already thinking about the "what ifs." So, in my infinite need for information I've been reading/lurking adoption blogs.

See, we've decided (or at least almost decided) that this time will be the last IVF. If it doesn't work, I'm not willing to go through this again. Although the travel hasn't been too bad for me, it's been a logistical nightmare for Doc because of his schedule, patients, etc.. In addition, CC.RM is not cheap by any means and the more we spend on this, the less money we have for any alternatives and for the house that we'd eventually like to purchase (once we sell our current home).

Enter into the picture: International Adoption. I think I mentioned in prior posts that we've been attending adoption seminars and we've decided on an agency to go with if IVF #3 doesn't have a happy ending. We'll definitely be adopting from Korea. Currently, the time from when you submit your paperwork (i.e., dossier) to referral is approximately 6-9 months and then from there it seems like another 6-9 months for the travel call.

When we initially began to talk about the possibility of adoption, I was incredibly depressed and wasn't sure if I'd be fully able to accept an adopted child. Would I be able to love that child as much as I would a biologicial child? Would I continue to mourn my inability to have a baby? Would I cling to some hope that maybe I'd get pregnant and would that overshadow my ability to love? Would everyone see adopting as a red flag announcing my infertility to the world?

But, as I thought about it more and talked with Doc (who, by the way, seems to have no issues with adopting) I realized that my ability and desire to love surpasses any biological bond. To be truthful, I may still be a bit sad that we never had the opportunity to have a child together, but being a parent and creating a family is far more important to me. And, at this point, I've come to realize that I really don't give a crap who knows about our IF.

I am so thankful that Doc is so supportive and I know that however we create our family, we are blessed and hopefully, next Christmas we'll have one additional member added (or soon to be added) to our party of two.

Happy Holidays from Perito Moreno Glacier (Patagonia, Argentina)

Signed, Sealed and Delivered

Relief...CC.RM got our blood work and all is ok in the world. We finally got it right and just in time for the results to be in for our call with Dr. S tomorrow.

Now, all I have to deal with is Doc and his complaining about why CC.RM has to do all the testing at their labs. Just for his own personal validation, Doc ordered the same tests through the Big K lab, so we'll see how they compare to CC.RM's results. If they're similar, I'll never hear the end of it...

As for other things going on in my life, I've got a brunch date with my girlfriends this Sunday which I'm dreading because I haven't seen one of them since her wedding in July and I have a strong hunch that she might announce her pregnancy. Then I've got to put on my happy face while I try to hide behind my pancakes and hash browns.

On the happy side, my cold is finally getting better. After four long weeks, I can say that I am no longer hacking up a lung! Got to find the small joys in life if you're going to get through the day.

Let the Games Begin!

FINALLY! The ball is starting to roll...We have our tentative calendar and we've already started our first round of meds.

The master plan as of today is to begin checking for ovulation. Ten days after my surge I start taking estradiol and add in cetrotide -- this is the estrogen priming part of the protocol. Then (hopefully), I'll get my period within a few days of that and I'll do my baseline ultrasound here, at home, on CD 3 and then my first monitoring ultrasound will also be done here. After that, on January 12th, I'll be in Denver for the rest of my cycle!

I'm so excited, but yet so stressed!! I have a million questions that I've been piling up to ask Dr. S and luckily, we have a follow-up with him on Wed, so I'll get to ask him all my questions and hopefully, get some answers. In the meantime, I've been emailing my nurse everyday. I'm sure she loves me...

Grabbing At Straws?

Maybe I'm going a bit nuts and just pulling at anything for an explanation, but I'm beginning to consider the possibility that I might have endo. I don't have any of the typical symptoms. My periods are light. I've never had experienced any substational cramping with my cycles. So, one would not think that I have endo. However, I've read that many unexplained IF cases are caused by endo that has no symptoms AND asians are more prone to have endo.

I was actually dissuaded by both Doc and all of my REs from doing a laparoscopy to diagnose endo because 1) I had no symptoms, 2) since I had no symptoms, if I did have endo it would be very mild and probably not the cause of IF, and 3) lap is surgery. Actually #3 is Doc's main argument against doing a lap. He is a strong proponent of not doing surgery if it's not absolutely necessary. Bad things can come of doing surgery -- like adhesions, infections, etc. and if it's not necessary, why open yourself up to those things.

So, I have a question for y'all...did you have a laparoscopy as part of your diagonistics even if you showed no signs of endo? If so, did you find any endo? If not, why didn't you have a lap?

I Dream of Colorado

Now that we're back, I've had to face reality again which includes all the joys of infertility and IVF. Since we screwed up the Day 3 blood work sample back in October, we have to get it right this time around so that we can start the cycle in January, but as you know nothing is as easy or as straight forward as you anticipate.

We had a tentative plan scheduled based on my cycle starting next week, but I "think" due to the travels and my cold, my cycle was way shorter than I expected. I've started spotting already and that usually leads to AF showing up within the next couple of days. I'm a little worried about how this will affect our tentative schedule and whether they'll be able to fit me in for January. See...this would not be much of an issue IF we had our Day 3 blood work submitted. I would have already finalized our protocol with Dr. S and everything would be ready to go, but because we screwed up, things are still in limbo!

The only thing that has been finalized (we still need to book hotel, flights, etc.) is that I'll be reducing my work hours beginning January. I'll be completely honest with you and say that my work is not stressful by any means, but I think that having some more time to myself will really be beneficial to me. I just want some time to rest, relax and recup. So, I've worked it out with my boss and I'll be working only 3 days a week.

With all the IVF stuff finally ramping up, I can honestly say that I'm really excited, but at the same time I'm petrified. Part of me doesn't even want to start down the IVF #3 road...This is probably our final attempt with IVF which means that if this doesn't work, we'll have to seriously consider other options, which would also mean coming clean to everyone about our IF. Just the thought of going down that road exhausts me.

Vacation Redux

I had an awesome time in South America although I'm still recovering from a cold...We experienced it all in a matter of two weeks: ice, sleet, snow, winds, humidity, sun, and sand. And, although I'm sad that our vacation is over, at the same time, I'm relieved to be back at home, in my own bed with all the comforts of home.

So, we started out in by flying from SFO to Miami and then from there to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Supposedly the "Paris of South America," but the only similarity that I could find was the plethora of dog poop on the streets. I had such high expectations and I was a bit disappointed with the city.

We spent two days there and then hightailed it to El Calafate (Southern Patagonia). This is where we went glacier hiking (picture below of the glacier). It was an amazing experience and the scenery was straight out of a National Geographic mag.

From here, we took a three-hour bus ride to El Chaltan to hike the Andes Mountains. We spent three days hiking and unfortunately, the weather is known to be very, very inhospitable. So, those three days were spent trekking in the sleet, snow and gale-force winds. Between the cold and the travel, I ended up catching a pretty bad cold which I'm still recovering from.

Our next stop was Iguazu Falls in both Argentina and Brazil. What can I say...it was beautiful, amazing, and very humid. Talk about a change in weather

 
And our final stop, what I feel was the highlight of our vacay was Rio. I had heard so many rumors about how dangerous the city was and how it was unsafe to roam the streets after dark, but we experienced none of that. The city is gorgeous. It has the white beaches of Copacabana and Ipanema and is surrounded by green mountains on which you can see the Christ the Redeemer statue. We had a couple of days to unwind here, before heading back home.

Note: All pics were taken by moi! I guess some of the photography classes are actually paying off. :)

Back To Reality

I've returned! I'm back from South America...tired, jet-lagged and recovering from a cold.

In my state of post-vacation-zombie mode, I've only had a chance to catch up on a few blogs, and I can't believe the fantastic news!!! Low Fat Lady is knocked up and so is Venting Vagina! I'm so happy for them. It's so great to come back to such great news!

I will post more about my vacation and my adventures in glacier-hiking, mountain trekking and beach combing, but I first need to catch up on some much needed sleep.

I hope everyone had a thoroughly awesome Thanksgiving.