Mile High

Yes! I am here in Denver once again and you could say I'm having a bit of deja vu. My cycle is going almost identical to last time I was here, except it's the mirror image with my left side having the majority of the follicles and my right side lagging a bit in production.

On the left, I have 6 follies ranging from 14 to 6mm and on the right I have 4 ranging from 13 to 6mm. What can I say except that my body is very consistent...doesn't throw my any curve balls which I guess is a good thing, but based on my results from the last IVF, I'm hoping that maybe we'll have a better outcome.

Anyway, I get the day off tomorrow from going in to the clinic and Doc flies in tonight, so it'll be nice to hang out with the hubby and relax for the day.

Forgive Me

I've been a terrible blogger for the last couple of months. I apologize, but my life has been none too interesting and since I've just been farting around until my I start IVF #4, I just haven't had anything to write about.

But now that comes to an end! I have started my stims as of today and on Sunday I fly out to Denver. Being a veteran IVF traveler, I've picked up some tips from my first trip out there. First, I only ordered just enough meds to get me through the first day in Denver. When I get to Denver, I'll order the remainder of my meds. This way, I only have to travel with a small amount versus last time when I had to pack a freakin' pharmacy. Second, Doc is coming out one week after me. Since I take a year and half to stim, there's no reason that both he and I both have to sit around waiting for my eggs to cook. So, he'll be flying out a bit later. Then, lastly, the rental car is in my name. Last time, Doc was the sole driver on the rental agreement, so he had to play Driving Miss Soo around and it was a pain in the ass. Since I have all the appointments, it's better for me to drive.

So, what drugs am I taking? Well, there's the 150iu of men.opur and then the 0.33 of saizen and then 300iu of go.nal-f. This is the first time taking saizen, so I'm praying that it helps, particularly since it cost me $700 bucks for 5 doses...talk about highway robbery.

Oh, and needless to say, my Bay Area RE (the one that I am going to for at-home monitoring before I travel to Denver) reminded me that studies have shown stress and depression are not good for IVF. Great...I swear, trying to destress has resulted in causing me even more stress. I call it the great Infertility Paradox: Stress from attempts to destress results in additional stress causing initial stress factor to worsen. Blah.

Life's Updates

I'm back from Utah and the best snow on Earth! I have to agree with that statement...On Sunday, we rode on the most amazing powder. Here in CA, we get what people call Sierra Sludge. The snow is wet and heavy and on a powder day, it'll just weigh you down and stop you cold in your tracks. But, in Utah, the snow is heavenly. It's weightless, soft, and you glide effortlessly down the mountain. I've never boarded on anything so amazing. And to think, Park City is less than a 2 hour plane ride from us! Guess where I'll be next winter.

On the flip side, I'm sick. Without fail, I always get sick when I go on vacation. The day before we left for Utah, I got the usual sore throat and then sneezing which led to the runny nose and cough. So, between runs, I spent my chairlift rides blowing my nose and swallowing meds to keep my cold at bay. But, I am proud to say that I did not miss a day of snowboarding. Even in my invalid state, I dragged my ass to the slopes and got my runs in. Unfortunately, this cold seems to have a very long half-life and is still lingering. I'm hoping to kick it to the curb by this weekend, but I won't place any bets.

As for my cycle, I started the estrogen priming this morning and now I'm just waiting for AF to come. She should be here by tomorrow or Friday, so I wait...again. If she comes as anticipated, I'll start stims on the 5th and leave for Denver on the 9th. Less than two weeks and I'll be back at CCRM.

Waiting For O and Other Stuff

The title of this post basically sums it up. I'm just waiting to O and then the countdown begins. How am I feeling? Well, part of me can't believe I'm going through this again. As I get out my credit card and order those meds, I can actually hear the money going down the drain. Another cycle of shots, bruises, pills and travel. Is it worth it?

I'm really hoping that it is. I'm placing $30K on "Yes" and praying to every god that something good will come out of this. Please, please don't let this be a waste of time, energy, hope, and money. All we need is one good egg.

To make matters a tad more stressful, if we don't get at least one good blast out of this I'll feel oodles and oodles of guilt. I was the one that convinced Doc to do one more cycle to get one more egg. The money that we're using on this cycle could have gone to a down payment on a new home (so we can get out of our current home), but no, I convinced him that in the long run it would be worth. What's more valuable...a better neighborhood or a child? So, there it is and I feel like the responsibility for that decision is on my shoulders.

That being said, the "Other Stuff" in my title refers to our upcoming trip to Utah to go skiing/snowboarding. I'm excited! We're going for 4 days and will be staying at The Canyons resort. Hopefully, this will be my last ski/snowboarding trip for awhile and thankfully, I won't have to start my cetro.tide until after I get back, so no shots to travel with.

And, my very last note: Happy St. Patty's Day and the luck of the Irish to you!

Delinquent

If there's anyone still following me, I'm so sorry for my delinquency. I know, there's no excuses for not posting, but really, I had nothing exciting to post.

What's been going on since since I last wrote? Well, I reduced my work schedule temporarily, so now I'm working Mon-Wed with Thurs and Fri off. I've been catching up on cleaning, cooking and reading, having lunch with friends and just plain enjoying life. And, strangely enough, IF hasn't been my main focus!

But, reality kicks in and here I am again with a new calendar. I start the estrogen priming part of my cycle at the end of this month (luckily, after we get back from our Utah ski/board trip) and then I'll begin stims in April. The calendar has me flying out to Colorado on April 11th. This time we're old pros at this, so the traveling will be much less stressful.

Let's get this show on the road!

Time Flies!

Has it been almost 2 weeks since I posted? Man, it's been a long time, so obviously, there should be tons to catch up. Not so much.

So, since it's Valentine's Day, I'll post a little bit of something about Doc. We met back in 2006, actually, I should back that up. According to him, we've known each other since I was in high school and he was in college, since we went to the same church...I have no recollection of this, but I am known to have the worst memory, so I'll assume that what Doc says is true.

Anyway, fast forward to after college and I'm back in the Bay. Doc is done with med school and residency and he's also back in the Bay. We see each other at parties, since we know the same people, but we never say hi...He's dating other people. I'm dating other people. But, low and behold in the January of 2006 we end up going on a ski trip with some friends and we start chatting away, and we "click." I am utterly and completely smitten. He's funny, smart, witty, charming and he skis!

The next month, we start hanging out...We chat on the phone. He helps me with dinner and driving (I had just gotten PRK done on my eyes). We go skiing/snowboarding. And, the next thing you know, we're dating and I'm in love! After about 10 months of dating, we're engaged and in November of 2007, we're married!

He's my BFF and the love of my life and the most amazing husband in the world. Doc is the trip planner, the money manager, the car fixer and the bug killer and without him my life would be so empty (not to mention, filled with lots of bugs and I hate bugs).

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Our Best Laid Plans

Now that we have our one good blast safely frozen away, what are we going to do?

We just finished our regroup with Dr. Surrey and he started out by saying I responded about the level he expected (don't really know if that is a positive comment or not...). Anyway, he then went on to talk about our eggs. Our current blast was the only perfect 3-day embryo that we had. The remaining embyros stalled at day 3 and didn't develop further. This, he said, probably indicates that they were chromosomally abnormal and wouldn't have implanted even if they had been transferred.

From there, we talked about our options. He basically gave us two: 1) stick with our current blast and do a FET, or 2) do a second stim cycle and try to get more embryos. We tried to get him to give us his opinion on what would be our best option, but no such luck. With #2, we'd possibly get more embryos and give us better odds, however, there's no guarantee.

So our plan: go with option #2. Doc and I had already decided this prior to the regroup. Although, Doc didn't really want to do another cycle, I told him that if we didn't, I might regret for the rest of my life and did he really want that hanging over his head and our marriage. With that comment and my absolute guarantee that this would be the last and final, I was able to convince him to do one more cycle.

As for the protocol, it'll be the same as before. Dr. Surrey was satisfied with the results and he didn't think that anything need to be tweeked, so we'll be doing the extra day of stimming plus the HCG/lupron trigger. But, in addition, I'll be using sai.zen, a human growth hormone, which supposedly helps poor responders.

Our last and final cycle starts in March. Denver here we come...again!