It's a Numbers Game

Well, we may have a reason behind our inability to conceive. Doc has done multiple SAs in the past few months and all have been about average. The morphology numbers based on the WHO scale wavered around 30-35%, so not stellar, but definitely nothing to worry about.

Dr. P suggested that we do another sperm analysis using the Kruger scale, and we got the results back yesterday. Other numbers were good, but morphology was at 7%, meaning 93% were abnormal. Not great news...

So, being the anal person that I am, I went on the internet and did a whole lot of research. Seems that these morphology numbers are really subjective. Some docs put a lot of weight on them, others don't give a hoot. I also read that the Kruger scale is very strict, so not many men receive "normal" which is above 14%. That being said, Doc's wasn't even close to 14%.

We're not overly concerned about the numbers at this point because we're doing IVF and we've already decided to use ICSI, but I'm glad that this may give me a reason as to why things haven't been going all that well. Between his lower-than-average morphology and my lower-than-average follicle count, maybe IVF was our only option.

This also gives me some relief that maybe, just maybe, it doesn't have anything to do with lining or implantation or some random immunological issue. This gives me renewed hope that maybe, just maybe, IVF will work.

“Dum spiro, spero (Latin): While I breath, I hope."

Nervous!

Why am I so nervous?! I start the folli.stim and the men.opur tomorrow and I've got butterflies in my stomach. Does that make any sense? I mean, I don't even have to do anything but stand there and wait until Doc gives me the shots. So, what's with the case of nerves?

I think it might have to do with anticipation of this cycle really being THE cycle. I never felt this way with the IUIs, but I actually have some glimmer of hope this time around. Maybe things will work out? At the same time, though, I'm so scared of knowing the results at the end of tunnel.

I think I read in someone's blog (I'm sorry I forget who), but it was very poignant. She said that IVF was her last shot, her glimmer of hope and by going to IVF she was using up her last shot. I know exactly what she means...this is it. This is our last option. If this doesn't work, we can try IVF again, but there's no taking it the next level.

So, we're pulling the trigger tomorrow and we're going to give it our best shot. Speaking of shots...According to my calendar, I'll be taking the foll.istim in the AM and meno.pur in the PM. Nurse Sweetie emphasized that we need to take the shots at the same time every day. Not one hour later, or one hour earlier, but at the same time. What did you do when you couldn't be at home to take the shots? Did you take on the road with you?

No Spring Chicken

Let me just tell you, I'm no spring chicken anymore. I am so sore! After two full days of snowboarding, I'm still hobbling around, groaning about my sore quads, calves, biceps, and forearms (why are my forearms sore?).

Overall, it was a great weekend, even though Saturday's weather was less than perfect. We boarded/skied in a light snowstorm, but we still managed to get in a full four hours. It was definitely worth it, considering this may be the only time we get to go up for the season (eyes begin to tear...).

Alright, now that my complaining is out to the way, I want to tell you all about my morning. We went to our IVF training also known as the Injection training. The nurse, who is also my case manager and will henceforth be known as Nurse Sweetie (cuz she's so sweet and nice) was our instructor for the day.

We spent the morning learning how to use the folli.stim pen and how to give an IM shot. It was really funny to see the faces of the husbands in the room when Nurse Sweetie explained all the details on the IM shot. They looked very concerned and a bit worried -- poor guys, but at least they're not on the receiving end.

I also got my baseline blood work and ultrasound done. Ovaries look good, no cysts and the blood work shows that my estradiol is nice and low. So, I'm all set to start stims on Friday. Tomorrow will be my last day on BCPs and today I'll start my low dose aspirin.

One thing that Nurse Sweetie said that really stuck in my head was that she told us to ask questions. Be proactive and ask questions during our ultrasound. Ask specifics, don't just accept a broad statement from the doctor. Her statement really made me realize that we are our own best advocate. Yes, the doctor is there to make sure that everything goes well and he'll do his best, but it's also our responsibility to make sure that he's doing all he can for us.

I'm excited, but at the same time so, so scared. What if this doesn't work? I guess I shouldn't think about it, but how can you not? Arghhhh...

Happy ICLW!

Welcome to all you ICLWers! This is my second ICLW and I'm excited to see a few new folks visiting my blog.

Just to give you a bit of introduction...I'm 34 years old and my husband, Doc, and we have been TTC for 13 months. Not too long in the whole scheme of things, but considering my age, we don't feel like taking any chances and waiting.

We've been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and have gone through 1 round of clo.mid, and two rounds of fe.mara/let.rozole with IUI. With my last BFN in early February, we decided to take things to the next level and go the IVF route.

Right now, I'm on BCPs and will be starting the stims (men.opur and foll.istim) on Friday. My doctor has me on the antagonist protocol due to my age and my low-average antral follicle count. My retrieval and transfer are scheduled for early/mid-March. We're keeping our fingers crossed and hoping for the best!

Snow!

We're going to Tahoe this weekend and I plan to snowboard until the cows come home!

We haven't been able to go up to the mountains all season and I've been going through bouts of mental and psychological anguish over this. Along with all the other things that I'm not able to do while TTC (drinking alcohol, hot tubs, eating sushi), I also am not supposed to impact sports which includes my favorite sport in the whole wide world...snowboarding! However, I'm on BCPs right now and so, I have one more weekend before I start stimming and I'm back to my restrictive regimen.

Typically, Doc and I go up to Tahoe almost every other weekend during the winter season beginning at the end of December. So, you can imagine how excited I am since I haven't hit the slopes in almost one year!

After watching hours of Olympic snowboarding, I am so ready to ride! I really don't think there's much that compares to carving the mountain in fresh powder or landing that single jump. Anyone else have a sport that they love?

$100 here, $1,000 there...

Ah, it's just money, right? Not! I can't believe how expensive these stinkin' meds are. What a rip?! Seriously, how much does it cost to make foll.istim and how much are you selling it for? I'm not sure which is worse -- the health insurance industry or the pharma industry?

As you can probably tell, I just paid for my meds for this cycle. I didn't even purchase everything the clinic ordered and it came out to 2,900 buckaroos! What gets me is that I took some of these same meds for my IUI cycles and they were covered under my Kai.ser insurance, but because this is IVF, I'm SOL.

But, hey, what can you do? We're at the mercy of the man and right now, I'm not in the position nor the mood to fight.

I got my foll.istim coming and my men.opur. I'll be taking 225 of the foll.istim in the AM and 150 of the men.opur in the PM. Luckily, I won't have to do any of my own injections. That's where having Doc comes in handy (that and asking questions while watching House).

Package comes tomorrow! I'll take a pic of all my goodies.

I Won and I am Beautiful!

This is my first award and I'd like to thank all the people who helped me get here and...Ahem, sorry, wrong acceptance speech. I did win an award, though, and I'm officially a Beautiful Blogger. I really want to thank Venting Vagina for the award! Not only is her blog awesome, but she's also getting ready for a FET which will be around the same time as my IVF!

So, the instructions that go along with this award are as follows:

* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
* Copy the award and place it in your blog
* Link the person who nominated you for this award.
* Tell us 7 interesting things about you
* Nominate 7 bloggers
* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

And now for my seven interesting things:

1) I knew my Doc for many years before we started dating. He was a bible study teacher at the church I went to while I was in high school. Obviously, at the time I was not interested in him at all and we went our separate ways for 15 years before meeting up again.

2) I love zombie movies. It's a guilty pleasure. The cheesier and gorier, the better. Doc hates zombie movies and I tell him that one day, when the world is overtaken by zombies, I'll be the sole survivor because I'll know how to defeat the zombies.

3) I hate humidity with a passion. I grew up in Northern California and went to college in New York. Right after college, I lived in NYC for a year. Everyone assumes I moved back to Northern California because of the cold, but little do they know that it was the humidity that drove me out. I can't understand why it has to rain during the summer...Umbrellas are only for winter!

4) My celebrity crush is Brad Pitt (hubba-hubba). I've been crushing since he was in Thelma and Louise. He just seems to get better with age.

5) I am a book snob. I scoff at Oprah's Book Club books. I delight at going to independent book store readings. But, I have a secret...I loved the Twilight books. I read those books non-stop and finished the whole set in less than two weeks. I refused to read them in public, so only behind closed doors and covered windows. Oh, but were they good!

6) Doc and I were married in a museum. We wanted something different, but yet very elegant. It worked out well because it poured on our wedding day, so any outside pics that we wanted to take had to be switched to indoors. The museum paintings and interior provided great backdrops for all of our pics.

7) And lastly, I am a karaoke addict. I'm a terrible, horrible singer, but man, do I love me some karaoke. I think it has to do with my inner need for attention or maybe I was a singer in a past life. Whatever it is, I have absolutely no qualms about going up in front of strangers and howling out the lyrics to "Livin' On a Prayer" or some other 80s hair band (that's my specialty -- 80s hair bands).

And the lucky bloggers who get this award passed to them (sorry, I'm still new and only know 4 bloggers who haven't received this award yet):

1. Misconceptions About Conception

2. Chasing a Miracle

3. Confessions of a Fallopian Tube

4. Lily in the Valley