Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Room With A View

I've been doing mucho research on IVF and things that may be able to help me in the upcoming cycle, but I also wanted to acknowledge all that Doc has done for our cycles, so in honor of his hard work, I give you Doc's ratings.

Every time we do an IVF or IUI cycle, I ask Doc what "materials" they had on-site to help him in his manly endeavors. It's our (or my) way of getting some laughs out of the otherwise fairly stressful event. He's has been to five separate clinics and tested out five different sets of materials and here is his summary:
  • Clinic #1: This was his first clinic and he wasn't sure what to expect. But he came back with a thorough report...Room was a closet with very thin walls where he could hear all the conversations being held in the main office area. So, although there was a TV and DVD player with a fairly good selection of material, he didn't want to turn on the TV, lest someone here the "noises" coming from his closet. It took him longer than he expected because of the distracting conversations outside from the nurses discussing what they were going to eat for lunch, made it difficult to concentrate on his manly duties. Overall Rating: Thumbs Down.
  • Clinic #2: Same clinic. Different office. This one was a little bit better and he was a bit more prepared for what to expect. He proudly relayed that he did his duties in record time and was out the door before the morning traffic started to back up. Overall Rating: Thumbs Up.
  • Clinic #3: This was for our first IVF cycle. Again, similar materials...DVDs and magazines. He gave me a more detailed account of the materials at this clinic. Seeing as we live in the Bay Area and we have a diverse community, the DVD selection reflected the "equal opportunity" sentiment and thus included everything from "Asian Babes" to "Hispanic Hotties." Doc liked the fact that they were so nondiscriminatory and catered to the broad tastes of their clients, so he gave this clinic a Thumbs Up!
  • Clinic #4: This one made Doc go "huh?". And, once he relayed his report back to me, I was a bit puzzled, too. They seemed to cater to the Asian Persuasion. As in everything, all materials, were Asian-centric and the room was actually named....The Zebra Room with name plate and matching zebra decor. Now, I know that our area of the country has it's fair share of Asians, but I'm not sure that having only Asian materials really does it for every man. But, then I started to think, perhaps, they have themed rooms because they have specific materials for each room. Zebra Room -- Asians; Tiger Room -- Caucasian; Gazelle Room -- Hispanics...you get the picture. But, then how do they know which room the man would prefer? Do they go by the race of the wife? The race of the man? Or just the vibes that the man gives? All in all, very strange and a bit too overboard...Just give the man a room, a porno mag, and a cup. MY rating: Thumbs Down.
  • Clinic #5: Well, this one was also a bit weird. Doc compared it to a scene from Mission Impossible. He was told to go downstairs to the basement, using the elevator and then to pick up the phone from the wall. The person on the phone would then meet him and direct him to "the room," where he would complete his mission. He was then told to call again to confirm the completion of the mission. As for the materials, Doc was a bit disappointed about the selection. Their commitment to diversity was sorely missing (obviously, not the Bay Area) and he was not very impressed with their magazine selection. Overall Rating: Thumbs Down.
Hopefully, this next round will be his final tour of duty and he'll be able to retire. He's been a trouper and I appreciate his willingness to sacrifice for the cause. :)

10 comments:

sienna said...

this is freaking hysterical. poor doc - i thought the zebra room was weird, but what's up with the mission impossible thing? that would've spooked me big time. this is dr z's office, right?? i have to guess that clinic #4 had different themed rooms. otw, an asian room is just beyond bizarre.

the 3rd time's going to be the one that works!! so, enjoy your last big vacay abroad before bab(ies)!!

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

This was great! I don't know why the walls have to be so thin...

My hubby started bringing his own inspiration with him! He was tired of their stuff!

Geochick said...

That's a hilarious list! Whether DH could perform his manly duties at home was a major consideration in the location of our RE. He never had to check out the facilities, just drive down the street with the sample in his shirt. hee hee. Although, I do wish I had done further research, told him to stop being a baby and gone to a better clinic. *shrug*

lowfatlady said...

I really liked this entry. I have always wondered if my re's office has a room like that and what's in it, but my hubby always does his stuff at home and then drives it in.

thecrazycatwoman said...

Hilarious! Love the Zebra room concept!

My partner told me there were magazines in his room and one had an "erotic" story about a couple who couldn't have a baby so they recruited another man to do the deed with the wife. A bit weird for an infertility clinic? I wonder how many men trying to do their manly duty would find that a turn on!

ventingvagina said...

hahaha! omg! hilarious!!! the animal themed ones are too weird. and the phone thing - what a way to make a guy feel bond-like on a secret mission. haha. so funny.

Cape Girl said...

This is hysterical!!! The themed rooms?? Too funny.

My hubby brought his own material after the first time. He said they had a limited selection!

ventingvagina said...

i left you a sweet little award on my blog! :)

cowgirltn said...

This post is sooooo funny. Thank you Doc for your commitment you are amazing. I hope this is the last time you have to step foot in one of those rooms.

Teresa said...

Sooz-You are hilarious. My husband got a kick out of this list. It makes me want to start RE hopping so he can have a more varied experience. (this may be in my near future anyway)