Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's the End of the Year and I'm Annoyed

Oh, I know you're supposed to be thinking about all the things that you're grateful for and tis the season to be happy and all of that, but I've also got my list of annoyances (probably should get ready for that lump of coal) that I'm going to put them down in writing. Why? Because I feel like it. Yeah, so take that, universe! But, to save you from reading miles of rants, I'm going to narrow it down to my top 3. That's my present to you -- I know, very generous.

1) I HATE vanity sizing (this is why this post is being written). I bought a pair of jeans at Costco (yes, sometimes I buy my clothes at Costco -- this is a post for another time). A pair of Levi's jeans that looked nice and so seeing as I couldn't try them on, I bought them in my typical size 8. Now, I've worn a size 8 for as long as I can remember, however, I've noticed in the past 3 years or so that the size 8s in the stores are loose. But hey, a size 8 is a size 8, right? So, I get them home, try them on and they're freaking huge...like clown pants and now I have to go back to Costco, during the holiday season, and return these bozo-sized pants so I can get a size 6. I go back, return them, fight the crowds and come home with my size 6 and low and behold these are big, too! The ass sags like I need more junk in my trunk and trust me, no more junk is needed. So, here I am having to make yet another Costco run to get a SIZE 4?! Who are these people trying to fool -- I am NO size 4. I haven't been a size 4 since freshman year in high school. If I'm a size 4, how do people that are skinnier than I am ever find clothes?! Where do all the size 0s go? What is going on in this world? I hate shopping and now I hate it even more (fist shakes in air for emphasis)!

2) I HATE my gym. Ok, that's a pretty broad statement...so let me explain. I used to go to a gym that I loved, but it was costing me $96 per month. When we began doing IF treatments, I realized I wouldn't be going as much, so I left that gym and went to stank-ass-cheap-crappy gym which now costs me less than $10 per month (with my 3 year contract). This gym sucks. I always have to wait for equipment and no one wipes their sweat. But, the two most annoying aspects of the gym: no one freakin' RACKS their weights. Fuckers, please, rack your weights! I don't want to throw out my back because I have to rack your 2000lbs off the leg press. I'm a 130lb female...You're a 300lb male. If you put them on, you can put them back. The second most annoying thing is the music. For the love of god, please, please turn down the gym music. Almost everyone brings their own music and I DO NOT want to listen to 50 cent rap about bitches and hos while trying to run to Eye of the Tiger...They do not mix. There was no 50 cent in Rocky.

3) I HATE crappy drivers. I know everyone hates crappy drivers, particularly the reckless ones that drive like their in some kind of NASCAR race, but even more than that I hate the slow, clueless drivers. The ones that drive in the left lane at 50 miles per hour with their blinkers on and I hate to say it because these are my peeps, but man, Asians are bad drivers, particularly old Asians. They will drive 40 miles per hour on the freeway in the left lane chatting with their compadre completely oblivious to the fact that there are 60 cars behind them tailing their ass. And then out of the blue, they'll cross over 4 lanes of freeway traffic, cutting off the entire world, to make their exit because they've been chatting with their fellow Asian passengers. Sadly, I believe my mother is one of these people....*sigh*

Oh, and the list could go on and on, but I won't inundate you with any more of my nonsensical rants. The holidays are here and we're supposed to be happy and stuff, so now that I've gotten all this off my chest, I can put on my happy face and go out into the world to spread cheer and all that other crap. Buh-bye!

Friday, December 17, 2010

So Many What Ifs

I know that we haven't even started the stims yet, but I'm always already thinking about the "what ifs." So, in my infinite need for information I've been reading/lurking adoption blogs.

See, we've decided (or at least almost decided) that this time will be the last IVF. If it doesn't work, I'm not willing to go through this again. Although the travel hasn't been too bad for me, it's been a logistical nightmare for Doc because of his schedule, patients, etc.. In addition, CC.RM is not cheap by any means and the more we spend on this, the less money we have for any alternatives and for the house that we'd eventually like to purchase (once we sell our current home).

Enter into the picture: International Adoption. I think I mentioned in prior posts that we've been attending adoption seminars and we've decided on an agency to go with if IVF #3 doesn't have a happy ending. We'll definitely be adopting from Korea. Currently, the time from when you submit your paperwork (i.e., dossier) to referral is approximately 6-9 months and then from there it seems like another 6-9 months for the travel call.

When we initially began to talk about the possibility of adoption, I was incredibly depressed and wasn't sure if I'd be fully able to accept an adopted child. Would I be able to love that child as much as I would a biologicial child? Would I continue to mourn my inability to have a baby? Would I cling to some hope that maybe I'd get pregnant and would that overshadow my ability to love? Would everyone see adopting as a red flag announcing my infertility to the world?

But, as I thought about it more and talked with Doc (who, by the way, seems to have no issues with adopting) I realized that my ability and desire to love surpasses any biological bond. To be truthful, I may still be a bit sad that we never had the opportunity to have a child together, but being a parent and creating a family is far more important to me. And, at this point, I've come to realize that I really don't give a crap who knows about our IF.

I am so thankful that Doc is so supportive and I know that however we create our family, we are blessed and hopefully, next Christmas we'll have one additional member added (or soon to be added) to our party of two.

Happy Holidays from Perito Moreno Glacier (Patagonia, Argentina)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Signed, Sealed and Delivered

Relief...CC.RM got our blood work and all is ok in the world. We finally got it right and just in time for the results to be in for our call with Dr. S tomorrow.

Now, all I have to deal with is Doc and his complaining about why CC.RM has to do all the testing at their labs. Just for his own personal validation, Doc ordered the same tests through the Big K lab, so we'll see how they compare to CC.RM's results. If they're similar, I'll never hear the end of it...

As for other things going on in my life, I've got a brunch date with my girlfriends this Sunday which I'm dreading because I haven't seen one of them since her wedding in July and I have a strong hunch that she might announce her pregnancy. Then I've got to put on my happy face while I try to hide behind my pancakes and hash browns.

On the happy side, my cold is finally getting better. After four long weeks, I can say that I am no longer hacking up a lung! Got to find the small joys in life if you're going to get through the day.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Let the Games Begin!

FINALLY! The ball is starting to roll...We have our tentative calendar and we've already started our first round of meds.

The master plan as of today is to begin checking for ovulation. Ten days after my surge I start taking estradiol and add in cetrotide -- this is the estrogen priming part of the protocol. Then (hopefully), I'll get my period within a few days of that and I'll do my baseline ultrasound here, at home, on CD 3 and then my first monitoring ultrasound will also be done here. After that, on January 12th, I'll be in Denver for the rest of my cycle!

I'm so excited, but yet so stressed!! I have a million questions that I've been piling up to ask Dr. S and luckily, we have a follow-up with him on Wed, so I'll get to ask him all my questions and hopefully, get some answers. In the meantime, I've been emailing my nurse everyday. I'm sure she loves me...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Grabbing At Straws?

Maybe I'm going a bit nuts and just pulling at anything for an explanation, but I'm beginning to consider the possibility that I might have endo. I don't have any of the typical symptoms. My periods are light. I've never had experienced any substational cramping with my cycles. So, one would not think that I have endo. However, I've read that many unexplained IF cases are caused by endo that has no symptoms AND asians are more prone to have endo.

I was actually dissuaded by both Doc and all of my REs from doing a laparoscopy to diagnose endo because 1) I had no symptoms, 2) since I had no symptoms, if I did have endo it would be very mild and probably not the cause of IF, and 3) lap is surgery. Actually #3 is Doc's main argument against doing a lap. He is a strong proponent of not doing surgery if it's not absolutely necessary. Bad things can come of doing surgery -- like adhesions, infections, etc. and if it's not necessary, why open yourself up to those things.

So, I have a question for y'all...did you have a laparoscopy as part of your diagonistics even if you showed no signs of endo? If so, did you find any endo? If not, why didn't you have a lap?

Monday, December 6, 2010

I Dream of Colorado

Now that we're back, I've had to face reality again which includes all the joys of infertility and IVF. Since we screwed up the Day 3 blood work sample back in October, we have to get it right this time around so that we can start the cycle in January, but as you know nothing is as easy or as straight forward as you anticipate.

We had a tentative plan scheduled based on my cycle starting next week, but I "think" due to the travels and my cold, my cycle was way shorter than I expected. I've started spotting already and that usually leads to AF showing up within the next couple of days. I'm a little worried about how this will affect our tentative schedule and whether they'll be able to fit me in for January. See...this would not be much of an issue IF we had our Day 3 blood work submitted. I would have already finalized our protocol with Dr. S and everything would be ready to go, but because we screwed up, things are still in limbo!

The only thing that has been finalized (we still need to book hotel, flights, etc.) is that I'll be reducing my work hours beginning January. I'll be completely honest with you and say that my work is not stressful by any means, but I think that having some more time to myself will really be beneficial to me. I just want some time to rest, relax and recup. So, I've worked it out with my boss and I'll be working only 3 days a week.

With all the IVF stuff finally ramping up, I can honestly say that I'm really excited, but at the same time I'm petrified. Part of me doesn't even want to start down the IVF #3 road...This is probably our final attempt with IVF which means that if this doesn't work, we'll have to seriously consider other options, which would also mean coming clean to everyone about our IF. Just the thought of going down that road exhausts me.

Vacation Redux

I had an awesome time in South America although I'm still recovering from a cold...We experienced it all in a matter of two weeks: ice, sleet, snow, winds, humidity, sun, and sand. And, although I'm sad that our vacation is over, at the same time, I'm relieved to be back at home, in my own bed with all the comforts of home.

So, we started out in by flying from SFO to Miami and then from there to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Supposedly the "Paris of South America," but the only similarity that I could find was the plethora of dog poop on the streets. I had such high expectations and I was a bit disappointed with the city.

We spent two days there and then hightailed it to El Calafate (Southern Patagonia). This is where we went glacier hiking (picture below of the glacier). It was an amazing experience and the scenery was straight out of a National Geographic mag.

From here, we took a three-hour bus ride to El Chaltan to hike the Andes Mountains. We spent three days hiking and unfortunately, the weather is known to be very, very inhospitable. So, those three days were spent trekking in the sleet, snow and gale-force winds. Between the cold and the travel, I ended up catching a pretty bad cold which I'm still recovering from.

Our next stop was Iguazu Falls in both Argentina and Brazil. What can I say...it was beautiful, amazing, and very humid. Talk about a change in weather

And our final stop, what I feel was the highlight of our vacay was Rio. I had heard so many rumors about how dangerous the city was and how it was unsafe to roam the streets after dark, but we experienced none of that. The city is gorgeous. It has the white beaches of Copacabana and Ipanema and is surrounded by green mountains on which you can see the Christ the Redeemer statue. We had a couple of days to unwind here, before heading back home.

Note: All pics were taken by moi! I guess some of the photography classes are actually paying off. :)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Back To Reality

I've returned! I'm back from South America...tired, jet-lagged and recovering from a cold.

In my state of post-vacation-zombie mode, I've only had a chance to catch up on a few blogs, and I can't believe the fantastic news!!! Low Fat Lady is knocked up and so is Venting Vagina! I'm so happy for them. It's so great to come back to such great news!

I will post more about my vacation and my adventures in glacier-hiking, mountain trekking and beach combing, but I first need to catch up on some much needed sleep.

I hope everyone had a thoroughly awesome Thanksgiving.