The Other Option

Can you believe it?! This is post 101. I never realized that I had that much to say about any topic and yet, somehow I managed to write one hundred and one posts.

Well, this calls for a celebration, so the topic of this post is not about IVF, but about "the other option." For Doc and I, that is adoption. I'm not sure if a year ago I would have given this another thought, but now that I'm going on IVF #3, this option is a very real reality.

We've attended a couple of sessions hosted by homestudy agencies in our area that specialize in international adoption. During these sessions, we learned a lot about the adoption process and all the details involved. The basic details are that it'll cost anywhere from $20K - $30K and can take anywhere from 12-36 months. There are several parties involved in an international adoption: the homestudy agency, the placing agency, the government, and us. Since we're looking only at Korea, we would also have to pass all the country specific restrictions.

So, how did we get here? I think both Doc and I realized that we needed to have a back-up plan in case this IVF #3 did not work. Although both of us would love to have a biological baby, we both agree that even more than that we want a family and we want to enjoy that family while we're still relatively young.

The other factor is both the emotional and economic tolls that IVF takes on you. I'm not sure if we're willing to go through it again if this IVF cycle doesn't work. We're not ruling out #4, but it's definitely not a given.

So all this being said, knowing that we have a "back up" plan, gives me a partial peace of mind and gives me hope that maybe in 2011, we'll have a +1 one way or another.

Another CD 1

So, where should I start? Lots of things have been going on. Some that are ok, others that are not so ok. But, let's start with the ok news.

It's CD 1 and I'm ok with that because I knew that this cycle would be a no-go. I had my hysteroscopy on CD 10 of my last cycle and since I wasn't allowed to have any type of babymaking for one week after, I knew there was very, very little chance that I'd be knocked up. So, along with this CD 1 comes a fresh cycle to try, yet again, and this time we're doing an IUI cycle with letra.zole and meno.pur. I know the chances of this working are slim (if that), but there's still a bit of hope.

In addition to the IUI blood work that I have to do, I'm also doing some CD 3 blood work for CCRM and since they require that they do the testing, I've got to freeze my blood in my freezer (right next to the ice cream and frozen pizza) and then ship it off to them with dry ice. I don't know how I feel about having my blood in my freezer, seems sort of...well, unhygenic and biohazardous and just plain gross, but what can you do. I'll just add it to the evergrowing list of shit I had to do to get pregnant.

Ok, so on to the not-so-ok stuff...My SIL is pregnant with baby #2, she has officially lapped me twice and she got pregnant while she was still breastfeeding. This is my SIL, who is married to Doc's younger brother and although I'm happy that I'll have another nephew/niece to spoil, it still glaringly emphasizes the fact that I am INFERTILE. I know everyone in Doc's family is wondering why we're not pregnant (only his older bro knows about our IF treatment) so the fact that my SIL is pregnant just brings this question up to the forefront. Sucks.

Another Day, Another Test

After having 2 IVFs, you would think that I would have had every possible test done related to sex hormones, but no, there are still more and more!

Any of you ladies ever have a mammogram? I had my first one day last week since CC.RM requires all patients, ages 35+, to have a mammogram. It's terrible. Not really painful, but very awkward and just all around, a pain in the ass. And then to top it off, all the techs were confused as to why a 35 year old was getting a mammogram, so they had to confirm with a few supervisors on whether it was ok to go ahead with the x-rays. Good news was that everything was a-ok.

Second test was to check my AMH levels. Suprisingly, out of all the tests that I've had done, I haven't had this done yet. So, blood was drawn and my levels were tested and I came back with a 0.8. According to a few sites, average starts at 1 and 0.8 is low-average which corresponds with all my other tests and my AFC. So, no big surprise there. Basically, the number is supposed to tell you how fertile you are, similar to FSH.

So far, things have been going pretty smoothly. Doc and I have been pretty happy with Dr. S and CC.RM, in general. However, (there's always a however) I'm not too thrilled with our nurse. She's very friendly and responsive, but I don't think she really thinks thoroughly before responding to us and she doesn't seem to know anything beyond what's "in-the-manual." In the couple of times we've talked to her, she's provided us with the wrong info and we've had to follow-up and ask if she could double-check. Doc has suggested that we request a different nurse, but I'm willing to work with her for a couple more months and if the mistakes still occur.

Updates!

My apologies, again, for my long hiatus. There really hasn't been much going on with ART for the past couple of months, so I've been trying to place the focus on other areas of my life.

Well, anyway, you're not here to read my excuses for being a delinquent blogger and I am here to provide details! Over the Labor Day weekend, Doc and I headed out for four fun-filled days in Denver. Our trip to CCRM was turned into a mini-vacay, so we spent one day going to the Taste of Colorado festival and touring downtown Denver. Then on Sunday, we went to Mt. Evans and drove the highest paved rode in North America. And, on Monday, we hiked in Rocky Mountain National Park. By far, the highlight of those three days was the hike in RMNP. It's beautiful! Anyone going to CCRM, should really take the two-hour drive from Lone Tree and visit.

I have to say, the elevation in Denver kicked my butt! I was constantly dehydrated and hiking the short 4 mile trail had me weezing and panting. Not to mention, no matter how much lotion I slathered on my body, I still ended up with alligator skin. And to think, I thought the Bay Area was arid!

Anyway, for our last day in Denver, we did our one-day workup at CCRM. To say the clinic is big is an understatement. It's huge and they have their processes down! Our schedule was waiting for us as soon as we walked in and we started the day.

It was really impressive how smoothly everything went. The appointments were all on time and everyone was very helpful, friendly and professional. Our schedule was packed from 9am - 2:30pm with a 30 minute break for lunch. All the tests were run and everything came back clear! They even did a doppler to check the blood flow through each ovary.

We spoke with Dr. S at the very end of our day and he basically told us that we should think of this IVF as our "first" real IVF because the last two were like trial runs. He will be placing me on an antagonist estrogen priming protocol, starting the estrogen one full cycle before my IVF cycle. He's also looking at having me take DHEA to improve egg quality. Based on my issue with egg maturity, he'll also have me stim for an additional day or two AND give me a combo lupron-HCG trigger rather than just an HCG trigger.

CCRM also provides the ability to do genetic screening on your embryos. Doc and I will probably do this if we have more than 4 blastocysts, but that's getting way ahead of ourselves since we've never had more than 2 fertilized embryos.

After our trip, I have a wee bit of hope starting to grow. Between now and January, when we plan to do the IVF, I'll continue to go to acupuncture, take herbs and just prepare my body for our cycle. Keeping my fingers crossed that this is it!!

Long Time No See

Yes, it's been a long time and I've been neglectful. My humblest apologies, but you see, there hasn't been much to write about. Since Doc and I are on a break and not doing any type of ART until probably the beginning of 2011, we've been on a slow boat to nowhere.

Unfortunately, this doesn't mean I haven't had any doctors appointments. On the contrary, I've actually been inundated with therapy appointments, acupuncture appointments, and blood tests. And IF has still been weighing heavily on our minds.

We have our 1-day workup with CCRM on Tuesday, Sept 7th, so we'll be flying out to Denver over the Labor Day weekend and checking out the town. At that time, I'll meet with Dr. S, do my bloodwork and get a hysteroscopy. Wow! Come to think of it, that's less than 2 weeks away! Where does the time go.

So, that's the latest...not much to see and not much to write about. I'll keep y'all posted on what comes out to the one-day!

Fear

Do you ever get that feeling where you're so scared that you don't even want to take the next step? You'd rather just stay in your current state of "unknown" than move on to what may be success, but also may be failure. That's about where I am right now.

This IF sh** has got me in such a state of anxiety that I'm not even sure if I want to move on to CCRM and IVF #3. I know we will end up doing the IVF #3, but a small part of me doesn't want to. That small part wants to live in a state of ignorant bliss.

Crazy talk, right? Just about as crazy as paying some random man $15K to snatch my eggs, sperminate them, and then shove them right back in, while I pray to every god from Jehovah to Vishnu that I'm knocked up. Sucks.

CCRM

We talked to the big guns yesterday and had our first consultation with CCRM. Dr. Surrey was great! He was the first doctor that we've talked to that actually offered some concrete recommendations to our last two protocols. All the rest of the docs have had some "wishy-washy" recs that they said were worth a try, but really weren't anything different from what we had done during our last two IVF cycles. Dr. S had a sense of humor and was very friendly. He was upfront and honest with us, but at the same time provided a glimmer of hope.

So, to get down to the nitty-gritty of what he recommended:

- Antagonist cycle with estrogen priming
- Longer stim, an additional day or two past the typical 18mm lead follicle
- HCG trigger + lupron (so I guess some women do not respond well to HCG as a means of maturing the egg. Dr. S. has had some success in these situations by giving a dose of lupron in addition to the HCG)
- Possible addition of human growth hormone (I'm thinking this is saizen)

I'll be flying out to Colorado in the next month or two to do a one-day work up and also meet with Dr. Surrey. After that, we'll probably schedule IVF #3 for sometime in the beginning of 2011.

And more good news! I did another round of bloodwork this cycle and just got my results back...My FSH is 7.9, down from 23 last month and my estradiol is at 34. I really think that last month was a random fluke and/or a bad test or maybe my FSH was still high from the IVF meds. Whatever it was, I now know to wait one month after an IVF to test my hormone levels.