I'm really embarrassed to admit this, but since I've written about all sorts of things here, I might as well go the full 9 yards and confess...I POAS when I knew the HCG shot was still in my system just so I could see what a positive stick looked like.
Is that seriously pathetic or what? I just wanted to see if I could really make a stick turn positive and see those two little lines even when I knew that those two little lines were false. I'm seriously losing it, right? This is what IF has turned me into.
I go in for my beta on Thursday and I don't think I'm going to test before then. I'm 99.9% sure it'll be negative. I don't have any symptoms, nothing, nada, not even a twinge of boob soreness, bloating, headaches, or nausea.
Doc and I have talked a bit about our next steps if this doesn't work. I've scheduled consultations with SI.RM, CC.RM, NO.VA (another clinic in our area), and I recently emailed our old RE (Dr. P) who actually thinks that we can get pregnant with my eggs and says not to give up. With all these consultations, I hope we'll get some answers that will help us decide where to go.
Most likely our next cycle will be in early 2011. I'll spend the next 6 months doing acupuncture and herbs (hopefully to improve egg quality), taking metformin and possibly doing one or two IUI cycles. I've also talked with Doc about reducing my hours here at work and taking some time to decompress. Although, my job isn't stressful, I think I might benefit from reducing the workload.
But, in the meantime, I'm still counting the minutes until doomsday...
2 months ago