The Other 2 Week Wait

I'm not sure which is worse the "typical" two week wait of waiting for your beta results or the two week wait between your beta and that first ultrasound. I'm one week down, with one week to go and it's been excruciating.

Throughout the day, I'll take random moments to feel myself up and make sure that my boobs are still hurting (my one and only "real" symptom). Without that sign, I'd be lost, a complete basket case versus just a semi-basket case. It's hard to concentrate on anything else, and to be honest I've been googling everything under the sun regarding early pregnancy. Luckily, my job requires only half a brain, so it hasn't really affected anything that I'm doing.

As for some of my "maybe" symptoms...hunger. I am starving when I wake up and sometimes in the middle of the night, I'll wake up because I'm hungry. But, then again, I might just be hungry because well, because I'm hungry and I like to eat. Another "maybe" symptom -- gas and lots of it, which seems to be going hand in hand with my constipation. I've been drinking prune juice to alleviate the constipation which I think is contributing to my increased methane output which doesn't really do much for Doc or for my carbon footprint.

Argh! I tell you IF certainly gives new meaning to "patience is a virtue."

Complete Meltdown

Alright, I'm typically a pretty calm and unemotional person. I pride myself in being logical and not letting my emotions get to me, but today, that went out the window.

I just came back from work and all of sudden noticed...holy sh*t, my boobs don't hurt! And then I started freaking out -- big time, like, huge! I called up Doc who was working late and told him what was going on. He said that if I wanted to, I could go down to the lab and get the bloodwork done stat and see the results tonight. What kind of question was that? Did I want to?

So, I drove like a maniac to get to the lab before it closed and by the time I got back home, washed the dishes and folded the laundry (I do housework to calm myself), Doc had called to with the results and it was 2320 (38 hours doubling time)! Of course, Doc scolded me for stressing myself out, but when all you've got is symptoms and they start going away, I'm going to start freaking out. That's just the way it goes.

But, now I can sleep easy, at least for tonight and then we'll see what triggers my next big anxiety attack. Freakin' a...does the panic ever end?

Beta #2

We got the digits! 508! We made it over hurdle #2. My progesterone level at my last test was 59.2 and my estadiol was 454, so I'm good there, too.

CC.RM doesn't do anymore tests if your second beta is good, so we're now just waiting for the ultrasound which will be two weeks from today.

We haven't told anyone except for my mother and sister and Doc's older bro. For the time being or at least until the end of the first tri, I think we're going to keep it that way. We're being very, very cautiously optimistic. What is that they say...hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Dazed and Confused

I feel like the last 24 hours have been a dream. I'm still in disbelief that I could actually be pregnant.

What did I do to celebrate? I treated myself to a positive pregnancy test! After 2 and a half years of never seeing a BFP, I peed on a stick last night, and there it was -- two lines. I could feel myself holding my breath and anticipating a stark white stick even though I had gotten a positive beta just this morning. I really, really wanted to see those two lines.

And now I'm going through what every IF woman goes through after getting a BFP...the fear. I'm ecstatic but at the same time, so incredibly scared. The only saving grace is that the symptoms (if you can even call them that) are still going strong, if not stronger. I still have the cramps, my breasts are sore and I have absolutely no desire for anything sweet and let me tell you, I love me some afternoon chocolate.

So, here I am waiting for tomorrow's beta and doing nothing productive except reading Dr. Google. Praying that the number rises!!

BETA!

252 at 9dp5dt! That's the number! I can't believe it! I'm still in disbelief.

Since we did the beta at the hospital lab that Doc works at, he actually got the results before CCRM. So, we just found out.

I know we're not out of the woods yet, but I'm just so happy!!

Symptom Insanity

OMG! I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold out and not POAS before my beta on Wednesday! This weekend has been unbearable. Please talk me away from the edge!

I have all of the following symptoms:

• Sore breasts...seriously achy and I have never had sore breasts
• Constipation! I haven't had any more prune juice since the incident last week when it worked a bit too well and now, well, now I'm having a "hard" time of it.
• Sleepy. Very sleepy.
• Cramps galore and increasing every day.

I'm so scared that all of these symptoms are a result of the meds, both the progesterone and the estrace. I particularly think it may be the estrace because I've never taken estrace orally and I know that taking the hormone meds orally can increase the side effects. All the other meds, I've taken during my other IVF cycles and I had no real side effects. I'm only taking one 2mg pill of estrace orally because my estrogen levels were a little bit low on the day of my transfer. The rest of the estrogen is being administered by the Viv.elle patches.

Has anyone taken estrace orally? Did you have any of the same symptoms?

Please, please, convince me that waiting until Wed is the way to go!

Pooped...

3dp5dt and I'm back in the Bay and relaxing at home for the rest of the week until I have to go back to work on Monday. So far I feel ok with a couple of exceptions...

I'm pooped. I've been sleeping 9-10 hours/day since the transfer and I'm still tired. As a matter of fact, after I type up this post, I'm going to take a nap.

The other exception is that I'm pooped...literally. I'm having some serious bowel issues. I've been seriously constipated the past couple of days, so today I decided to take matters into my own hands and I had a nice glass of prune juice (disgusting). I'm not sure if it was that or something else, but I am now officially unplugged. The flood gates have been opened. The Kraken has been released. You get the picture...At this point I'm not sure which extreme is worse. I just hope things stay nice and quiet for awhile.

Transfer Complete!

We had our transfer yesterday and everything went a-ok...actually, it went as well as I could have hoped for.

When we got to CC.RM, I did the mandatory bloodwork to test my estradiol and progesterone. Then we were ushered upstairs to our first session of acupuncture. After that, we had to wait a bit and that was really uncomfortable because my bladder was so full. I had to ask a couple of times for the nurse to let me empty my bladder.

Eventually, Dr. Sur came in with the embryologist and transferred two fully expanded, hatching blastocysts. One of the blastocysts survived 100% and the other survived 98%, but both were hatching and they both looked great.

I have all my fingers and toes crossed that one of these little blasts is on its way to taking up residence in my uterus. My beta is scheduled for next Wed. Hopefully, I'll be patient enough to wait and not test beforehand!

Too Much Thinking!

I hate to admit it, but I've been thinking way too much and thinking too much usually leads to me worrying and then anxiety and then second-guessing. So, that's where I am right now...second-guessing on everything related to the FET.

Currently the issue I'm obsessing on is whether or not I should have requested a test for beta integrins. When I talked to Dr. Sur about this he said that he didn't think I should test because nothing pointed to implantation issues. I asked why, considering I've had 2 failed IVFs and he replied that those were most likely embryo quality issues.

At the time we talked about this it made sense. The first IVF we transferred two fair day-2 embryos which most likely would not have made it past day 3 and on our second try we transferred a single fair day-3 embryo. So, nothing to make you say, hmmm...those were good embyros, why didn't they make it?

I know it's a bit late for me to be wavering like this, but I can't help wondering. To give me a little piece of mind, I've told myself it things don't work for me with this FET, I'll definitely do the test before our next FET AND I'll also do a laparoscopy (even if Doc doesn't agree with this one).

No Silver Lining

Not even a hint or glimmer of silver. I got the news and I had a feeling that it was going to come down to this -- my lining is just barely too thin. It's at 7.7mm and CC.RM likes it at 8mm. No word yet on what'll happen to the FET. I guess we just wait and see, but that's not all the good news.

There's also something happening with the lining. Some abnormal thickening on one area of the lining. The doctor who did the scan thinks it might be a polyp or something, but it's definitely a lump/protrusion of some sort. Not very large, but it's there. It's a bit strange, so we'll see what CC.RM says, but for the time being I'm a little freaked out and whole lot worried.

UPDATE: We're still on for the 8th! Part of me is happy and excited, the other part is second-guessing whether or not we should go forward seeing as though we're right on the borderline of too-thin and we have the unidentified something or other growing in my uterus. But, Dr. Sur says it's a go and I've trusted them this far, so Denver here we come!