Friday, October 15, 2010

This Is My Life

I had to write again because I'm beyond frustrated and I'm mad. No, wait a minute...I'm FUCKING mad! I just don't get it. I want to go around screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?"

At least give me a freaking answer...Endometriosis? Bad eggs? Too old? PCOS? But, this shit...Giving me a "great" cycle (four fucking mature eggs, a sperm count that according to the RE was "donor" material, an awesomely thick lining and a stellar ovulation) all to end in another BFN is almost more than I can take.

I'm so sick of it! I want a diagnosis. I want a fucking explanation. I just want out of this vicious circle of hope and pain.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

6 comments:

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I am so sorry. I would take a step back and try not to think about it. Do something nice for yourself or take some time just to be angry. When your feeling calmer then come back and see what you can come up with. I wish I had an answer for you.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry Sooz.... I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better, but I know there's not. I'm thinking of you....

Geochick said...

I'm so sorry, it absolutely is not fair. It sucks so much to keep being told everything looks great and then getting a BFN. I know I've had similar rants...still go through them only now they're aimed at the adoption wait.

Hang in there. Coping is a bitch.

ventingvagina said...

sooz, scream and yell and cry and be angry! you deserve the emotional release. you deserve an answer. you know i'm right there with you. keep doing what you're doing and you'll get there. it's not fair and it's fucked up and you don't deserve this, but you are strong enough to fight this. i know you are.

Teresa said...

Hi,
Found your blog through the LFCA. All I can say is there are too many of us who know how frustrating and emotionally draining this process can be, especially when there is no real diagnosis to explain what is happening. I am so sorry. I hope that after some time dedicated to being angry that you are able to move forward with a new plan.

Lulu said...

I am so sorry. : ( Sending you love and whatever else you need to cope.