Back To Square One

I've come full circle and I'm back where I was almost one year ago. Back at my original RE who did my IUIs and my HSG and the one who told me that Doc and I had a 99% chance of getting pregnant through IVF. HA! Yeah right!

I have this love/hate relationship with this doctor (I'll call her Dr. Curt). Love because I think she's very smart and knows her stuff. Hate because she's always in a rush and this makes her curt (hence her name) and I think her nurses/staff are a bunch of dimwits. She works at the same HMO as Doc and I sort of understand her predicament. She's the only RE on staff and so she does everything for everyone who has an infertility issue.

Let me give you some perspective on how overworked these doctors are. Currently, Doc sees 13 patients in the morning and then 13 patients in the afternoon. That's 26 patients in a day -- 20 minutes per patient. That doesn't include having to do all the paperwork, telephone calls and emails. And God forbid if there's a late patient or someone who may require more than 20 minutes. So, I try to give Dr. Curt a break.

Anyway, I met up with Dr. Curt yesterday and she asked me how things were going and I told her I've done 2 IVFs and no pregnancies. Not even a chemical. Her reaction: complete and utter surprise. She insisted that we should have gotten pregnant by now, particularly with the success rates of the 1st IVF center we went to (their success rates are above 50%), and with the fact that I had decent embryos transferred back.

Her thought is that there's something going on with implantation. Maybe my uterus or lining? So, she's scheduled me for a hysteroscopy for next cycle. At that time, I'm also doing a freakin' slew of blood tests...again. She's determined to get me pregnant. Has anyone ever had a hysteroscopy? From what I've read, it sounds very unpleasant to put it mildly.

As for other things going on in my life, I've changed acupuncturists. I'm now going to a Chinese woman who seems very nice and has a wall full of baby pictures and thank yous. She's given me some herbal pills which I googled and seem to be consistent with what's ailing me. I'm also taking the metformin which initially did a number on my stomach, but now seems to be ok.

And, finally, next week is my first appointment with the eating therapist. I'm actually dreading this. I've had therapist appointments in the past and they didn't go so well because I'm absolutely terrible at talking about feelings and emotions. This has sometimes been an issue of contention between Doc and I because when I get upset, he wants to talk about it immediately and address the issue. I just want to get control of my emotions, mull over them, and then once I feel like I can handle a discussion, then I'll discuss. I just hate being emotionally poked and prodded. Ugh...