That about sums up how I feel right now. I've been awake since 4:30am and tried to go back to sleep for about an hour, but then gave up and came downstairs.
I've been thinking about everything...everything from second-guessing our decision to wait for a year after marriage to start TTC to wondering if my years of birth control pills affected my fertility. I know I have to relax and stop stressing, but stressing about not stressing is just making it that much worse.
It just kills me that out of the 10 eggs only 3 were mature. The embryologist told us right before our retrieval that they usually they get about 50% of the eggs fertilized. We had 20%.
I know I should be thankful that we have even 20%, but why can't I be "average" just once? I'm not asking for an A or a B, I'd be happy with a C or hell, even a C-. Why is something that's so naturally part of life such a f*&%ing struggle?
Sorry for the sh%ty post. I'm just sick of being positive and I don't want to deal with this crap anymore. I want my f*&$ing life back!
Back from NZ
2 weeks ago